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Fergal Crawley – Business Advice Forum

I have spoken to Fergal Crawley the owner and administrator of Business Advice Forum. Some of you may already know who Fergal is and also his forum, but for those who don’t then let me explain.

 Business Advice Forum is one of the largest business websites on the entire internet with thousands of visitors every day from all over the world and a large number of regular posters.  The forum contains free business advice on virtually all aspects of business including sub-forums on sales and marketing, the internet, business ideas and personal effectiveness as well as being a place where you can meet other business people or those starting off in business.  Over the years Fergal has been reading lots and lots of posts over the years and has added to the business knowledge which he already has.  He has kindly agreed to take time out when he can from his busy schedule and occasionally post on this blog sharing advice on how to be successful in business.  So in the future I will publish an article by him.

 

  For those of you who wish to contact him direct, then his details are as follows: 

Forum: www.businessadviceforum.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/fergal_crawley

Facebook: www.facebook.com/fergal.crawley

He also runs a competition on his forum where participation is free and where the winner can earn as much as $1,250.

I, myself, post on that forum and have advised people on things such as how to get promotion at work, personal success, website optimization and other things.

– Jahan Choudhry

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This blog carries on from the previous blog: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/mind-diet-part-8/ which is part of a series of articles on the “mind diet”.

I’ve spoken about the healthy mental “food” we should feed our minds on a daily basis, including the “5 mental fruits a day”, and I’ve also said that we should avoid negative mental “foods” such as stress and anger. There is however another very common feeling that a lot of people have to deal with, and that is self-pity.

Self-pity is so attractive.  Let me ask you, why do you think it is so easy to fall into and appealing to many? Why? Think about it for a second. Dig deep in and ask yourself.

Have you found an answer or even answers?

The answer is this.

Self-pity is love.

Let me explain. When we pity others, we feel sorry for them, we extend them sympathy and try to comfort them. We give them value, there are many ways we can explain them but we are essentially giving them a form of love. When we engage in self-pity we are feeling sorry for ourselves. We in fact almost see ourselves in a heroic light, in the same way we would see the poor, suffering, hero of a tragic film. In a very subtle way, sometimes – not always – we are praising ourselves. What many of us would crave for, and naturally so and it is only human, is for a comforting and sympathetic hand to rub us and tell us everything will be alright, and that we don’t deserve this.

 Another contributory factor to self-pity is we see how badly treated we are, or how bad things are for us, compared to the fact that we are “good” people and we don’t deserve this. In fact this is why people often break down from bullying sometimes, because the bullying is so unjustified and we don’t deserve any of it, and “why are they picking on me, I’m a good person”.

In the future I will speak more about self-pity as it is very common.

Self-pity is not something the person who wishes to be successful has time for. Self-pity demobilizes us like a clamp demobilizes a car. It makes us wallow in feeling sorry for ourselves, makes us waste our time and is giving ourselves comfort and reassurance instead of others doing it for us. Also very importantly, self-pity will only attract more of what we are upset with. If we are upset with being treated badly and life being so unfair. Guess what?

Yes, you’ve guessed it, you will only attract more of that.

So if you wish to be successful in whatever field it is, be it business, personal success, relations or anything don’t feel sorry for yourself.

Instead of self-pity you should engage in:

Self-criticism: A true friend points out your flaws so that you get better, huge companies spend millions of dollars on research and development and employ engineers to carry out tests to find faults with their products so that it will eventually be perfect. Constantly be critical of yourself, and I mean constructive criticism coupled with appreciation of your positive side (this is the opposite of beating yourself and hating yourself), so that you can be the best that you can.

Self-reliance: Do not rely on others, do not expect much from others as a successful business mentor I know told me.  Believe in yourself and do not be disappointed if people do not deliver.  There is an old saying which is very true.

“If you laugh the whole world laughs with you, if you cry, you cry alone.”

People will be there in numbers when you are successful and are humourous, but not many, besides your few, close, true friends will be there when you are a “loser”, someone who is a liability rather than an asset.

So to summarize, Self-pity is a poison which many of us feed ourselves with, some of it stems from a natural desire to be valued and comforted, but not only does it immobilize you, making you waste your time, it can be quite selfish as there are always people far worse off than you.

Instead, go out be pro-active, be organized and see how you can improve things. Think of yourself, of your family and of others and how far more useful you will be as a successful, wealthy person who can help them, then someone by themselves feeling sorry for yourself. This is not to trivialize the legitimate hurt that many do feel, especially if it is about something major. However the world does not stand still. The world is a beautiful place, with so much excitement, joy, adventure, new friends, new experiences out there. Go out in the world and you will be successful.  Go and be a winner, and do not feel sorry for yourself. I will cover this topic more in future articles.

 

– Jahan Choudhry

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We have now come to the 5th of our 5 mental “fruits” a day in our mind diet regime.

The first four were

1 . Abundance

To focus on all the positive things around us and thus to increase them. Success breeds success.

https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/mind-diet-part-1/

2. Relaxation

To take time out each day just to relax, and thereby cleanse our body and mind, this is an effect a mental shower as it gets rid of a lot of the stress you accumulate in your day as a shower removes the dirt you gather in the course of your day.

https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/mind-diet-part-2/

3. Humour

Humour relaxes your body and is a form of relaxation but it is more active and stronger. Your body is more energized and freshened with endorphins released, it is a great energy boost and can make your mind function clearer enabling you to make wiser decisions rather than emotional ones.

https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/18/mind-diet-part-3/

4. Mental exercise

To do difficult, but enjoyable, mental exercises whether that be crosswords, play chess, remember phone numbers, mathematical sums or anything that stretches the brain and keeps it fresh and fit.

https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/24/mind-diet-part-4/

Learning

The fifth of our 5 mental “fruits” a day, is learning. Now, what do I mean by learning you may ask? Learning is such a general term, what does it mean in this context and how does it help us in personal success and in business performance?

Human beings are multi-dimensional creatures. At the same time we can be many different things. We can be a brother/sister to someone, a son/daughter to someone else whilst being the father/mother of someone. We can be above someone in a company and have to give them orders, or we can be below someone. At times we must listen, at others we must be listened to.  Each relationship is different, a person who is one-dimensional will not be a successful person, but someone who is dynamic and flexible.  Also the main reason why we are seeking personal and business success is to feel better and happier, a better quality of life. Therefore there is no point in exclusively working hard whilst not enjoying life at the same time.

Learning something, should be something beneficial and constructive which adds to you as a person and to your understanding of the world. Notice I say “learning” not doing.  Doing would be something like going to the gym, painting or gardening, all of which are great, but we are at the moment focusing on the mind.  The thing, or things, which you are learning can be anything which you enjoy and which you feel is useful and adds value. It can be anything.  Think of something you enjoy, for example maybe you enjoy shopping or buying designer labels. You could then start reading different biographies of famous business people who started department stores or famous designers. 

It could be a new language, it could be a new skill, it could be learning about something which you are not good at. It can be something academic or practical.

Learning has so many benefits.

1. It will enrich your life and expand your knowledge.

2. Depending on what you do it enable you to meet other people.

3. It exercises certain parts of the brain which are stimulated whilst reading and absorbing information. Just as in a physical fitness regime you would seek to exercise as many parts of your body such as your biceps, abdomens or other areas.

4. It makes you feel better and can release dopamine which gives you a positive feeling.

5. When you start learning about one thing, you inevitably start learning about other things related until you learn more and more. A well informed person is definitely a more successful person. In business terms people who are very well informed about many different things have the ability to recognize investment opportunities that the less informed can’t.

6. Socially you have more to speak about or to contribute. People do not like those who have nothing interesting to say or share.

Learning is a lifelong process. For those of us who have children a key part of raising them successfully is not just clothing them and nourishing them with food, but it is also the mental nourishment of the mind which we seek to provide them in order to make them successful in life.  However learning is not something that should stop after adulthood but should continue.  The more we learn about the world that we live in, the more we can benefit from it and the more we can contribute to it, and when we contribute to it, we in return get even more back.

So this is the last of the 5 mental “fruits” that you should be taking every day.

So as many of us are now very familiar with the recommendation of “5 fruits a day” for the body and physical health, we need to become familiar with the concept of the mental 5 “fruits” a day that we need. In my next article about the mind diet I will be speaking about the things we should be excluding from our mental diet.

– Jahan Choudhry

BA, Diploma in Teaching in the Lifelong Learning Sector.

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There will be a seminar in central London this Friday.

The speaker will be famous American business coach Topher Morrison who has a background in psychology and other fields.  The title of the seminar is “Secrets to becoming a highly paid professional speaker”.

More details of the whole event can be found on his website: http://www.tophermorrison.com/

I, myself, will be going on Friday with one of my coaches, Syed Rahman, and so if you do go we might even meet!

Note, I have no business connection with Topher, but one thing that you will learn with successful business people is that sharing valuable and useful information and advice with others in the long run will pay off. When you do positive things for others, you will ultimately benefit. Maybe not from the person you helped or the event that took place but in some other way.

Anyway if I do meet any of you there, looking forward to having a chat!

– Jahan Choudhry.

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