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Archive for the ‘Self-pity’ Category

The picture above is from one of my facebook contacts and I enjoyed reading it and wanted to share it. It contains an important message and it very much struck a chord with me. Those who know me, work with me and interact with me will find that I seem like a very positive person, and quite happy. The question then is have I ever experienced pain and suffering, and the answer to that is just like everyone else on this planet I have. In fact I have experienced things that other people have not. However my experiences have made me stronger and more resilient.

Self-pity

Image source.

Image source.

I had the choice to engage in self-pity and negativity, to dwell in that, and subconsciously want and even expect sympathy from others. Or I had the choice to be pro-active, to not engage in self-pity or being stuck in the past and move on. I chose the latter.

Now there are other people out there who are “turned off” by positive thinking and want to be negative and complain. A lot of that actually stems from laziness, that is not to deny that there are people out there who have suffered immensely and will take a long time to recover. They in fact dislike people who are too positive and there is a degree of jealousy.

Image source. Courtesy of Scott Albrecht.

If you have been following my recent blogs you will know that I have been talking that nothing is achieved without hard work, and that I myself am seeking to demonstrate this by writing 34 posts this month. All of these 34 posts must be original work of mine in my own words, must be 300 words minimum and must provide some sort of value or benefit for the reader, so far this is my 13 post so I will have 21 more posts left until the 29th February which works out at roughly 2 posts a day from now on.

Hard work = no time wasting = no time for feeling sorry for yourself

Now hard work means that you will be busy, you will be preoccupied, that you will be stretching yourself to meet deadlines, targets. When you are doing such a thing time is very precious and must be utilized in the best way as possible. Wasting time is a complete and utter NO NO. You simply do not have time to engage in unnecessary and unproductive things. One unproductive thing is too much thinking or wondering as opposed to DOING. Time waits for no one as the image above says. Successful people do not have time to feel how bad life has been to them and what a horrible place the world is. They are too busy making the world a better place.

So I do not apologize to anyone for being positive, and nor does it come from a lack of experiencing tragedy, because I have.  However I will be positive and so should you, because it will help you, it will give you good health, energy, confidence and ultimately success and by helping you it will empower to help others.

Just because I chose to laugh does not mean my life is easy, just because I have a smile on my face everyday does not mean something is not bothering me, I chose to move on and not dwell on all the negatives in my life. Every new moment gives me the chance to renew anew. I chose to be that.

Cody Mccasland.

 
– Jahan Choudhry
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In the past on this blog, I have written about self-acceptance and the fact that you should be completely happy with whoever you are.

My blog on self-acceptance.

It doesn’t matter what colour, creed, sex, age, weight, height, bra-size, body shape, level of education, wealth or lack of it that you are or have, you are you and should be happy with who you are. Many people suffer from stress or unease because they aspire to be a certain “ideal”. They impose upon themselves certain targets. They then say they will be “happy” when they meet these targets i.e. when they become that weight, gain that appearance, have that job or money, only then to find something else to be unhappy about. You will never be perfect.  In some of the most extreme cases some young people set themselves a certain target of going to a certain prestigious university or certain grades and when they have failed to get to a super-prestigious university (and instead just a prestigious one) they have commited suicide. You can read one example of this here. Below is an image which I saw on my facebook today and would like to share with my readers and subscribers.

Courtesy of "Unconditional love" on facebook.

– First accept yourself for who you are.

– No one is perfect and everyone has problems be it the wealthiest man, the most good looking actor, the most beautiful model or anyone else.

– If you accept yourself and this is deeply grounded within you, this core strength of yours will manifest itself to others and draw them to you.

– Accept yourself and then focus on all your positive qualities and celebrate them.

– Do not be overly competitive or jealous or seek to outdo others when not necessary. You are who you are. You are good at some things and better than others. The person who is “richer”, slimmer, “better looking” than you has these things, and you have other things which they do not.

– Love yourself and you will be loved.

Image source.

Thank you for reading, have a great day.

– Jahan Choudhry.

 

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This blog carries on from the previous blog: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/mind-diet-part-8/ which is part of a series of articles on the “mind diet”.

I’ve spoken about the healthy mental “food” we should feed our minds on a daily basis, including the “5 mental fruits a day”, and I’ve also said that we should avoid negative mental “foods” such as stress and anger. There is however another very common feeling that a lot of people have to deal with, and that is self-pity.

Self-pity is so attractive.  Let me ask you, why do you think it is so easy to fall into and appealing to many? Why? Think about it for a second. Dig deep in and ask yourself.

Have you found an answer or even answers?

The answer is this.

Self-pity is love.

Let me explain. When we pity others, we feel sorry for them, we extend them sympathy and try to comfort them. We give them value, there are many ways we can explain them but we are essentially giving them a form of love. When we engage in self-pity we are feeling sorry for ourselves. We in fact almost see ourselves in a heroic light, in the same way we would see the poor, suffering, hero of a tragic film. In a very subtle way, sometimes – not always – we are praising ourselves. What many of us would crave for, and naturally so and it is only human, is for a comforting and sympathetic hand to rub us and tell us everything will be alright, and that we don’t deserve this.

 Another contributory factor to self-pity is we see how badly treated we are, or how bad things are for us, compared to the fact that we are “good” people and we don’t deserve this. In fact this is why people often break down from bullying sometimes, because the bullying is so unjustified and we don’t deserve any of it, and “why are they picking on me, I’m a good person”.

In the future I will speak more about self-pity as it is very common.

Self-pity is not something the person who wishes to be successful has time for. Self-pity demobilizes us like a clamp demobilizes a car. It makes us wallow in feeling sorry for ourselves, makes us waste our time and is giving ourselves comfort and reassurance instead of others doing it for us. Also very importantly, self-pity will only attract more of what we are upset with. If we are upset with being treated badly and life being so unfair. Guess what?

Yes, you’ve guessed it, you will only attract more of that.

So if you wish to be successful in whatever field it is, be it business, personal success, relations or anything don’t feel sorry for yourself.

Instead of self-pity you should engage in:

Self-criticism: A true friend points out your flaws so that you get better, huge companies spend millions of dollars on research and development and employ engineers to carry out tests to find faults with their products so that it will eventually be perfect. Constantly be critical of yourself, and I mean constructive criticism coupled with appreciation of your positive side (this is the opposite of beating yourself and hating yourself), so that you can be the best that you can.

Self-reliance: Do not rely on others, do not expect much from others as a successful business mentor I know told me.  Believe in yourself and do not be disappointed if people do not deliver.  There is an old saying which is very true.

“If you laugh the whole world laughs with you, if you cry, you cry alone.”

People will be there in numbers when you are successful and are humourous, but not many, besides your few, close, true friends will be there when you are a “loser”, someone who is a liability rather than an asset.

So to summarize, Self-pity is a poison which many of us feed ourselves with, some of it stems from a natural desire to be valued and comforted, but not only does it immobilize you, making you waste your time, it can be quite selfish as there are always people far worse off than you.

Instead, go out be pro-active, be organized and see how you can improve things. Think of yourself, of your family and of others and how far more useful you will be as a successful, wealthy person who can help them, then someone by themselves feeling sorry for yourself. This is not to trivialize the legitimate hurt that many do feel, especially if it is about something major. However the world does not stand still. The world is a beautiful place, with so much excitement, joy, adventure, new friends, new experiences out there. Go out in the world and you will be successful.  Go and be a winner, and do not feel sorry for yourself. I will cover this topic more in future articles.

 

– Jahan Choudhry

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