This blog has been read by people in many different countries including the USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Ireland, India, Malaysia, Germany, Russia, Brazil, Latvia, Mexico, Bangladesh, Poland and the Philippines. I’ve spoken to people on facebook, twitter, at work, by email and in other places about it and have recieved different questions. One question I had from a particularly grateful reader, Madeline from the Philippines, was how to be successful. I promised her that I would write something, so here it is:
MEET MR SUCCESSFUL
“Oi, I’m Mr Successful….what do you want? OK, ok…listen I’ll tell you how to be successful and how I became successful. I grew up hating everything and being bitter at the world. I would always complain and moan. If anything good happened I would ignore it, but if something bad happened I would make sure I would talk about it again and again and again. I hate the world and people in general and I don’t try to change for anyone. I am who I am. I’m better than everyone else and everyone else is stupid. I would go to bed late at night every night and swear to myself in my mind, sometimes even swear out loud about what went wrong, about what this guy did and what that guy did. I’m a smart guy and as I said most people are stupid. I heard about this “positive thinking” stuff before. Positive thinking my foot! It’s for fools. Just do what I do, I’m successful.
I don’t like humour or having a laugh or fun. Fun? Fun, what a silly little word. I’m miserable and bitter, with a frown on my face. I tell you what I like, I like cigarettes, 10 pints of strong beer, occassional drugs and so on and I like doing that all at home. I am not the sort of person who needs to go out and meet others. As for learning about new things, what a load of nonsense. I know what I know and I’m a smart guy and I don’t need to know other people or about other things or other places, that is for people trying to be fancy and uppity.
Though I smoke about 200 cigarettes a day, and I enjoy that, it’s not what I call relax.
I don’t believe in “relaxation”, what a load of trash. I’m nervous and edgy, always worried about everything and I love to complain and also make others worried to. When I actually do go out and meet people, I make sure that they remember me. I always teach them a lesson or two. I make sure that I see something wrong or something I can criticize and then put them down…haha. Yeah I get a kick out of doing that. I love looking at what’s wrong with others and how to put them down, as for me, well I’m fine, but others need to sort themselves out. I am Mr Successful.
I’m not some sort of wuss who thinks he needs to be “intellectual” or keep my mind strong and active. What! What nonsense. I’m not in to fancy books, course, seminars or all that rubbish. I’m not one for learning new things. I didn’t plan to be successful, I never had any goal or ambition. The few times I did try to do something, whenever I came across any small little setback no matter how tiny it was, I gave up. Being successful wasn’t gradual, it was instant and overnight. What happened was a billionaire saw me near my road when I was smoking a fag (for non-native English speakers, slang for cigarette). He came up to me and he said hey there’s something about you, something which you seem to have that makes me like you. I told him “piss off idiot”. He then said, “yep you’re a great guy. I’m going to make you a millionaire with out you having to do any hard work, or learning, because you have such a magnetic and lovely personality”. Before I could swear at him and insult him, he gave me a cheque for £5 million and left, otherwise I would have abused him. Anyway that idiot gave me the check and that’s how I became successful, no hard work, no planning, no goals or ambition, just lots of cigarettes, cans and cans of cheap beer and abusing other people. Yep that’s how to be successful. Now get lost! Beat it!”
– “Mr Successful”
Ok, that was “Mr Successful” telling us all how to be successful. So now you know the secret to success.
“Hang on”, you are thinking, “this isn’t serious is it?”. Well yes you are right. Mr “Successful” is a great teacher on success, because he is the very antithesis of what success is and how to be successful. I used a very extreme and even absurd example (though quite funny) because it has greater impact and remains in the memory more. In my next few articles I will analyse step by step in a more serious manner, everything about “Mr Success” and how he became successful, but right now let me summarize, Mr “Success” and his philosophy.
Always complain = Don’t practise “abundance” (being grateful for what you have). Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/mind-diet-part-1/
Don’t relax but always be tense and nervous = Opposite of practise relaxation. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/mind-diet-part-2/
Don’t laugh or have fun = Opposite of having humour in your life. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/18/mind-diet-part-3/
Don’t do any mental exercise to keep your mind sharp = Opposite of doing mental exercise. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/24/mind-diet-part-4/
Don’t learn anything new or about the world = Opposite of always try to learn new things and make yourself a more rounded person. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/26/mind-diet-part-5/
Don’t have goals or ambition = A successful person always has a goal and ambition which drives him, even if he comes across setbacks.
Don’t carry on even if you have setbacks = A successful person knows he will have difficulties and even failures but due to his self belief he will carry on until success.
Success was instant = Success is not instant but is gradual and incremental, it can also be explained, unlike the ridiculous scenario of Mr “Successful” where inexplicably he was given a £5 million cheque and became rich overnight.
Be rude, abusive and arrogant = Do not be arrogant or rude, do not try to alienate people or belittle them. Try to be positive and get on with them. Your way to the top will not be done purely by yourself, you will need others, thus you will need to be a person with good people skills.
In future blogs I will cover all of this in more detail, but if you read what I wrote the concept of the 5 mental “fruits” a day and their aid to gaining success will now make more sense. Everyone, and I mean everyone, can be successful. This is something which I have learnt from a number of successful people including a famous investor who has co-written books with a billioanire. It doesn’t matter what you look like, who you are and what you do, you too can apply the ingredients and recipe required for success. Success is not as mysterious as it may seem, as the the ridiculous example of “Mr Successful” demonstrates (a deliberate parody). For example there are some things about Mr “Successful’s” diet such as his smoking and alcoholism, as well as his appearance which you do not need me to tell you are no nos. Being successful involves some things which all of us are aware of, it is simply actioning them which is what counts.
– Jahan Choudhry
Read Full Post »