Archive for October, 2010

Fergal Crawley – Business Advice Forum

I have spoken to Fergal Crawley the owner and administrator of Business Advice Forum. Some of you may already know who Fergal is and also his forum, but for those who don’t then let me explain.

 Business Advice Forum is one of the largest business websites on the entire internet with thousands of visitors every day from all over the world and a large number of regular posters.  The forum contains free business advice on virtually all aspects of business including sub-forums on sales and marketing, the internet, business ideas and personal effectiveness as well as being a place where you can meet other business people or those starting off in business.  Over the years Fergal has been reading lots and lots of posts over the years and has added to the business knowledge which he already has.  He has kindly agreed to take time out when he can from his busy schedule and occasionally post on this blog sharing advice on how to be successful in business.  So in the future I will publish an article by him.


  For those of you who wish to contact him direct, then his details are as follows: 

Forum: www.businessadviceforum.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/fergal_crawley

Facebook: www.facebook.com/fergal.crawley

He also runs a competition on his forum where participation is free and where the winner can earn as much as $1,250.

I, myself, post on that forum and have advised people on things such as how to get promotion at work, personal success, website optimization and other things.

– Jahan Choudhry

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In my last blog I introduced you to Mr “Successful”:  https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/17/meet-mr-successful-part-1/  Before continuing to read this article please read that blog first.

We are going to hear from Mr “Successful” again.

Mr “Successful”

“It’s me Mr “Successful”.  Today you’re going to hear from  one of my cousins and former best friends. My cousin’s name is Dillon Gent, but we call him “Dili” for short, so he is usually known as Dili Gent. So now it’s over to Dili.”

Dili Gent

“Hi everyone, I’m Dillon Gent, but I’m usually called Dili, so people know me as Dili Gent. Nice to meet you. Let me tell you about myself.  I’m not as successful as my cousin “Mr Successful”, but here is my story. Me and Mr “Successful” are cousins and we grew up together.  I used to drink and smoke with him, neither of us worked or cared about working and lived off government money, in the US you call it Welfare payments and in the UK social benefit.  Anyway me and Mr Successful and the rest of our gang used to hate business people, and people in suits.  We used to insult them as part of our general overall diet of negative talk, moaning, complaining about life and mocking others.

The change.

Things started to change however.  Two things really happened.  My aspirations and goals changed and I wanted to earn more money to lead a better lifestyle as my best friend Sen Sibal (The name’s Indian and the pronunciation is the same as “Sensible”) who always hated Mr “Successful” and the rest of our group of friends, got a good job, started earning more money and bought a nice car.  Sen Sibal said he was my true friend and that true friends criticize each other and would always tell me to change myself.  The other thing was I had to pay some debts as well. These things made me look at how to make money.  This is the way I now do things.

I make sure I have a positive atttitude and focus on successes. Even the smallest thing is a success or a cause of  being positive, from getting a client to sign a deal with my company or my son finishing a story book with his mother, or someone merely saying thank you.  I always try to focus on the positive because life is meant to be lived happily.  However I do not believe in a “happy happy clap clap” philosophy where the sun is always shining and everything is perfect.  Far from it I do realize we live in what is some ways quite a cruel world, and people can be quite cruel themselves.  Life is essentially one great lesson in which we constantly experience things and challenges so that we learn from them and grow.  I view life as a never ending course, but one in which I always smile and retain a positive attitude.

This positive attitude makes me feel better, has led me to have better health, gives me more energy and attracts people to me.  Yes, I meet idiots and rude people, as well as cheats, but they are far outnumbered by the number of experiences I have where people are polite, helpful and honest, so I look at that more than the bad people.  I believe success is not an overnight process but is gradual.  In order to go from A – Z, you need to go through B, C,D and E first.  However whilst you are in this journey you make sure you have fun.  I like to balance my work with my family life.  When I used to hang out with Mr “Successful”, I was a womanizer and semi-alcoholic.  Then when I changed I met a girl who I used to chat with at work.  We got to know each other better and then became a couple, we got married last year.  I invited Mr “Successful” to come to our wedding but he was drunk when I phoned him and told me to get lost.  I believe in humour and always having a piece of humour every day.  It has multiple benefits such as releasing stress, giving you energy and making you see things in a calmer way thus improving your judgement.  I also take time out every day to relax, even if it is just 5 minutes in the shower or bathroom.

This 300-400 seconds of relaxation makes me feel better and releases a lot of tension.  I believe in keeping my mind strong and sharp so I also do mental exercises which improve me mentally such as crosswords, puzzles, mathematical sums, remembering numbers and other things.  I’ve found this has really helped me with my business performance in terms of analyzing things far quicker and more critically.  I also like to learn about different things and the world in general and not just be a one-dimensional person and care only about my work, I have my own stationary company.  This allows me to meet people and speak about different things including at social events or networking events and has helped me with making important contacts.

I first started with no money, so in order to create capital I got a basic job in a shop (as I had no real employment history), and worked there for 1 year.  The next year I got an office job.  Whilst trying to enjoy myself within limits, I budgeted and tried to save as much money as I could.  After two years I had about £10,000.  I decided to invest some of that, around £2,500 in shares as the returns can be greater than interest from a bank.  Before investing, I learnt about investing, reading a couple of books and learning about the sector and industry I wanted to invest in.  The money from investing was quite good.  I also sold stationary items on ebay. First starting with my “warm market” (my friends and family) and then expanding. This provided me with some money which I used to pay off bills. So I had three sources of income, my job, my investments and my ebay business.  I then found a business mentor and we worked on a business plan on my own stationary company.  I started off small and then reinvested all profits in to further growth.  My growth has been gradual, step-by-step, incremental, essentially achieved by myself (I do not believe in relying on others) and perfectly explainable, I can easily explain how to do the same to anyone else.  My growth has been totally different to Mr “Successful’s” success which was overnight, mysterious, required no hard work and was due to someone else’s generousity.  I have my own company, a house, wife and children.  I still have problems which I have to deal with, still parking tickets I have to pay, my son and daughter fighting over which TV program to watch and I’m not a millionaire quite like Mr Successful.  I have worked far harder than he has, and may never be as rich as him,  however overall I feel positive, fulfilled and a self-made person.

The secrets of my growth are:

– Motivation.

– Organizing a plan.

– Patience and consistency.

– Continuous hard work.

– Accepting failure and setbacks as a natural part of growth and something which educates me.

– Being positive and thus attracting positive things and positive situations. I also practise the 5 mental fruits a day mentioned here: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/16/mind-diet-the-conclusion/

Have a great day everyone”

Dili Gent.

Mr “Successful”: Well that was Dili. I no longer speak to him or want to know him.  I’m far more successful than he is, because as he said I never worked in my life and was always negative and was bitter and a hater, and then suddenly one day a millionaire businessman popped out of nowhere and said I was a great guy and instantly gave me a £5 million cheque.  So sorry Dili, you’re not even on my level!







Jahan:  This was yet again another satirical blog, stating some obvious facts.  The truth is that a lot of the time many of the answers we seek are actually within us.  We have been endowed with intelligence and the ability to learn and if  we truly work hard after doing our research and apply effort and the understanding we will inevitably face obstacles and setbacks, we can achieve our goals.  The way Dili Gent (yes of course derived from the word “Diligent”) does things is of course sensible and makes sense, however many people do not apply these things.  Mr “Successful” is a great person to learn how to be successful from, because do exactly the very opposite of everything he does or would do, and you will be successful.  When you are in a challenging situation, imagine what an unsuccessful, bitter person would do and do the opposite, you will see results.  As Dili Gent stated, success is not instant or overnight, it is a gradual process, so it requires patience and determination, qualities that many lack.  However with a goal, planning, work on the plan, dealing with setbacks, and continuous effort you will reach your goals.

– Jahan Choudhry.

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For Madeline

This blog has been read by people in many different countries including the USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Ireland, India, Malaysia, Germany, Russia, Brazil, Latvia, Mexico, Bangladesh, Poland and the Philippines. I’ve spoken to people on facebook, twitter, at work, by email and in other places about it and have recieved different questions. One question I had from a particularly grateful reader, Madeline from the Philippines, was how to be successful. I promised her that I would write something, so here it is:


“Mr Successful”

“Oi, I’m Mr Successful….what do you want?  OK, ok…listen I’ll tell you how to be successful and how I became successful. I grew up hating everything and being bitter at the world.  I would always complain and moan. If anything good happened I would ignore it, but if something bad happened I would make sure I would talk about it again and again and again.  I hate the world and people in general and I don’t try to change for anyone.  I am who I am. I’m better than everyone else and everyone else is stupid. I would go to bed late at night every night and swear to myself in my mind, sometimes even swear out loud about what went wrong, about what this guy did and what that guy did. I’m a smart guy and as I said most people are stupid. I heard about this “positive thinking” stuff before. Positive thinking my foot!  It’s for fools.  Just do what I do, I’m successful.

I don’t like humour or having a laugh or fun. Fun? Fun, what a silly little word. I’m miserable and bitter, with a frown on my face. I tell you what I like, I like cigarettes, 10 pints of strong beer, occassional drugs and so on and I like doing that all at home. I am not the sort of person who needs to go out and meet others. As for learning about new things, what a load of nonsense. I know what I know and I’m a smart guy and I don’t need to know other people or about other things or other places, that is for people trying to be fancy and uppity.

Though I smoke about 200 cigarettes a day, and I enjoy that, it’s not what I call relax. 

I don’t believe in “relaxation”, what a load of trash.  I’m nervous and edgy, always worried about everything and I love to complain and also make others worried to.  When I actually do go out and meet people, I make sure that they remember me.  I always teach them a lesson or two. I make sure that I see something wrong or something I can criticize and then put them down…haha. Yeah I get a kick out of doing that. I love looking at what’s wrong with others and how to put them down, as for me, well I’m fine, but others need to sort themselves out. I am Mr Successful.

I’m not some sort of wuss who thinks he needs to be “intellectual” or keep my mind strong and active. What! What nonsense.  I’m not in to fancy books, course, seminars or all that rubbish. I’m not one for learning new things. I didn’t plan to be successful, I never had any goal or ambition. The few times I did try to do something, whenever I came across any small little setback no matter how tiny it was, I gave up. Being successful wasn’t gradual, it was instant and overnight. What happened was a billionaire saw me near my road when I was smoking a fag (for non-native English speakers, slang for cigarette). He came up to me and he said hey there’s something about you, something which you seem to have that makes me like you. I told him “piss off idiot”.  He then said, “yep you’re a great guy. I’m going to make you a millionaire with out you having to do any hard work, or learning, because you have such a magnetic and lovely personality”.  Before I could swear at him and insult him, he gave me a cheque for £5 million and left, otherwise I would have abused him.  Anyway that idiot gave me the check and that’s how I became successful, no hard work, no planning, no goals or ambition, just lots of cigarettes, cans and cans of cheap beer and abusing other people. Yep that’s how to be successful. Now get lost! Beat it!”

– “Mr Successful”

Ok, that was “Mr Successful” telling us all how to be successful.  So now you know the secret to success.






“Hang on”, you are thinking, “this isn’t serious is it?”.  Well yes you are right.  Mr “Successful” is a great teacher on success, because he is the very antithesis of what success is and how to be successful.  I used a very extreme and even absurd example (though quite funny) because it has greater impact and remains in the memory more.  In my next few articles I will analyse step by step in a more serious manner, everything about “Mr Success” and how he became successful, but right now let me summarize, Mr “Success” and his philosophy.


Always complain = Don’t practise “abundance” (being grateful for what you have). Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/mind-diet-part-1/

Don’t relax but always be tense and nervous = Opposite of practise relaxation. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/mind-diet-part-2/

Don’t laugh or have fun = Opposite of having humour in your life. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/18/mind-diet-part-3/

Don’t do any mental exercise to keep your mind sharp = Opposite of doing mental  exercise. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/24/mind-diet-part-4/

Don’t learn anything new or about the world = Opposite of always try to learn new things and make yourself a more rounded person. Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/26/mind-diet-part-5/

Don’t have goals or ambition = A successful person always has a goal and ambition which drives him, even if he comes across setbacks.

Don’t carry on even if you have setbacks = A successful person knows he will have difficulties and even failures but due to his self belief he will carry on until success.

Success was instant = Success is not instant but is gradual and incremental, it can also be explained, unlike the ridiculous scenario of Mr “Successful” where inexplicably he was given a £5 million cheque and became rich overnight.

Be rude, abusive and arrogant = Do not be arrogant or rude, do not try to alienate people or belittle them. Try to be positive and get on with them. Your way to the top will not be done purely by yourself, you will need others, thus you will need to be a person with good people skills.

In future blogs I will cover all of this in more detail, but if you read what I wrote the concept of the 5 mental “fruits” a day and their aid to gaining success will now make more sense.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, can be successful.  This is something which I have learnt from a number of successful people including a famous investor who has co-written books with a billioanire. It doesn’t matter what you look like, who you are and what you do, you too can apply the ingredients and recipe required for success.  Success is not as mysterious as it may seem, as the the ridiculous example of “Mr Successful” demonstrates (a deliberate parody).   For example there are some things about Mr “Successful’s” diet such as his smoking and alcoholism, as well as his appearance which you do not need me to tell you are no nos.  Being successful involves some things which all of us are aware of, it is simply actioning them which is what counts.

– Jahan Choudhry


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So we have spoken about the mind diet, including the 5 mental “fruits” a day we should be having, let’s recap:

1 . Abundance

To focus on all the positive things around us and thus to increase them. Success breeds success.


2. Relaxation

To take time out each day just to relax, and thereby cleanse our body and mind, this is an effect a mental shower as it gets rid of a lot of the stress you accumulate in your day as a shower removes the dirt you gather in the course of your day.


3. Humour

Humour relaxes your body and is a form of relaxation but it is more active and stronger. Your body is more energized and freshened with endorphins released, it is a great energy boost and can make your mind function clearer enabling you to make wiser decisions rather than emotional ones.


4. Mental exercise

To do difficult, but enjoyable, mental exercises whether that be crosswords, play chess, remember phone numbers, mathematical sums or anything that stretches the brain and keeps it fresh and fit.


5. Learning

Learning about something new which will expand your knowledge of the world and of life, whether it be something academic or practical. Learning makes you a richer person and a more fulfilled and multi-dimensional one.  It helps you with your business skills, because one who has wider general knowledge or even knowledge of  a specific field is just a more informed person.


We should try to avoid negative thoughts and feelings and reduce them, we can never fully eliminate them nor should we seek to, as life is a huge lesson. A lesson in which we grow and naturally experience challenges and setbacks and learn from them. Some of the main negative thoughts many people face are:


Please read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/the-mind-diet-part-6/

and https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/mind-diet-part-7/

Anger and upset

Please read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/mind-diet-part-8/

Self -pity

Read: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/15/mind-diet-part-9/

The power of the mind

The mind is an extremely powerful tool. In fact for many, in some ways, “we” are “our” minds. We primarily live in our minds. Physically many of the times we may be present somewhere but mentally we are somewhere else, our consciousness is somewhere else. We may be in the beach and a beautiful location but if our mind is still haunted by, and thinking of something painful, such as a bereavement, a divorce or other tragedy than despite the sun and the sea, we are in pain.

People who have been able to utilize their mind have been able to achieve amazing things. The mind is a much under-used, as well as misused, tool. It is also the place where many of us actually “live”. Imagine a house or even a bedroom which was messy, would we want to live in it?

Messy bedrooms.

Messy living room.

The answer is of course obvious. We would not want to live in a dirty and messy bedroom or living room or house in general (For those who say yes, then what I will say to them maybe they can start a hotel business where the rooms are all as dirty and messy as possible, and see how many customers they get). Anyone who saw an extremely messy bedroom would not think that the person who sleeps in it is a successful person. In fact for those of you who progress in the future in business, investors don’t just listen and read your proposals, they read you, and if you seem successful they will buy you, if you don’t seem reliable or a potential success they most probably won’t.

So the mind diet, is not just about a diet and avoiding harmful mental “foods” or poison, and taking in healthy mental “food”, but also about cleaning up the place where you spend most of your life. It is about having a clean, organized and pleasant bedroom or living room.

So view your mind in the same way. Be careful of what you let in, be sure to throw rubbish (negative thoughts) into the rubbish bin, hoover it, mop it and remove unpleasant smells with air freshener and so on. The way you remove rubbish from your mental bedroom, i.e. your mind, is you think of positive things including the 5 mental “fruits”. Success is generally a step-by-step process, however it is not something mysterious and attainable to only a select few. It is a science, something practical, which if anyone follows they can also obtain, in the same way if someone follows a recipe correctly they’ll get a great dish. However the first step in being successful is laying a solid and healthy foundation. That foundation is your mind.

– Jahan



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This blog carries on from the previous blog: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/mind-diet-part-8/ which is part of a series of articles on the “mind diet”.

I’ve spoken about the healthy mental “food” we should feed our minds on a daily basis, including the “5 mental fruits a day”, and I’ve also said that we should avoid negative mental “foods” such as stress and anger. There is however another very common feeling that a lot of people have to deal with, and that is self-pity.

Self-pity is so attractive.  Let me ask you, why do you think it is so easy to fall into and appealing to many? Why? Think about it for a second. Dig deep in and ask yourself.

Have you found an answer or even answers?

The answer is this.

Self-pity is love.

Let me explain. When we pity others, we feel sorry for them, we extend them sympathy and try to comfort them. We give them value, there are many ways we can explain them but we are essentially giving them a form of love. When we engage in self-pity we are feeling sorry for ourselves. We in fact almost see ourselves in a heroic light, in the same way we would see the poor, suffering, hero of a tragic film. In a very subtle way, sometimes – not always – we are praising ourselves. What many of us would crave for, and naturally so and it is only human, is for a comforting and sympathetic hand to rub us and tell us everything will be alright, and that we don’t deserve this.

 Another contributory factor to self-pity is we see how badly treated we are, or how bad things are for us, compared to the fact that we are “good” people and we don’t deserve this. In fact this is why people often break down from bullying sometimes, because the bullying is so unjustified and we don’t deserve any of it, and “why are they picking on me, I’m a good person”.

In the future I will speak more about self-pity as it is very common.

Self-pity is not something the person who wishes to be successful has time for. Self-pity demobilizes us like a clamp demobilizes a car. It makes us wallow in feeling sorry for ourselves, makes us waste our time and is giving ourselves comfort and reassurance instead of others doing it for us. Also very importantly, self-pity will only attract more of what we are upset with. If we are upset with being treated badly and life being so unfair. Guess what?

Yes, you’ve guessed it, you will only attract more of that.

So if you wish to be successful in whatever field it is, be it business, personal success, relations or anything don’t feel sorry for yourself.

Instead of self-pity you should engage in:

Self-criticism: A true friend points out your flaws so that you get better, huge companies spend millions of dollars on research and development and employ engineers to carry out tests to find faults with their products so that it will eventually be perfect. Constantly be critical of yourself, and I mean constructive criticism coupled with appreciation of your positive side (this is the opposite of beating yourself and hating yourself), so that you can be the best that you can.

Self-reliance: Do not rely on others, do not expect much from others as a successful business mentor I know told me.  Believe in yourself and do not be disappointed if people do not deliver.  There is an old saying which is very true.

“If you laugh the whole world laughs with you, if you cry, you cry alone.”

People will be there in numbers when you are successful and are humourous, but not many, besides your few, close, true friends will be there when you are a “loser”, someone who is a liability rather than an asset.

So to summarize, Self-pity is a poison which many of us feed ourselves with, some of it stems from a natural desire to be valued and comforted, but not only does it immobilize you, making you waste your time, it can be quite selfish as there are always people far worse off than you.

Instead, go out be pro-active, be organized and see how you can improve things. Think of yourself, of your family and of others and how far more useful you will be as a successful, wealthy person who can help them, then someone by themselves feeling sorry for yourself. This is not to trivialize the legitimate hurt that many do feel, especially if it is about something major. However the world does not stand still. The world is a beautiful place, with so much excitement, joy, adventure, new friends, new experiences out there. Go out in the world and you will be successful.  Go and be a winner, and do not feel sorry for yourself. I will cover this topic more in future articles.


– Jahan Choudhry

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This post is regarding Technorati.

Technorati is a valuable resource for many bloggers in gaining a wider readership. I would recommend it to all.

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This is part 8 of the mind diet series, please read this: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/the-mind-diet-part-6/

In my last article I spoke about how to deal with stress. I said stress is essentially fear which is related to:

1. Level of power

You would not have any stress if I asked you to turn this computer off because this is something easy, something you have complete power over. So one key way you can avoid stress is to increase your power (or capability as some find the word “power” a bit too much), be it financially, physically or personality wise, so you can put a big distance between yourself and situations which might cause you stress, e.g. if you are a millionaire you will not have the stress of worrying about paying the rent.

2. Your level of confidence (mentioned in: https://jahanc.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/the-mind-diet-part-6/)

The more confidence you have in yourself, the less you will be worried, even if the worst does come because you know you will be able to overcome it. So for example even if you were to be made redundant, you know you could find a better job. Confidence is an accumulative process gained through focusing on small successes every day. At first it may be difficult, you may think “What do I have to be happy about? I’m a loser…nothing is going right.” In fact there is something for everyone to look at as a success. The very fact that you are reading this means: 1. You either have your own computer (so you had the money to buy it, thus a success) or at least access to one (so you either have a friend – some people have hardly any friends – with a computer, or work/study in a place which does). 2. Some people cannot even read. This may seem “funny” but as a former literacy tutor (I have been an employability trainer as well as teaching English to foreigners and literacy, that is teaching English-speaking people how to read and write) I know that this problem is more common than many realize. So confidence is gained by looking at whatever success you have, focusing on it more, viewing every “small” success as a success, looking back at times when you overcame things until it becomes so habitual that it is embedded in to your personality. You then have a different outlook on life and can deal with challenges and stress more effectively.

3. Examining the “undesired” outcome.

Sometimes people have stress over undesired outcomes, which in fact are not as bad as they may seem. So what if some people think you are not “cool” because you are not wearing the latest fashion, or if your team don’t win the soccer or baseball match.  There are people who have commited suicide over popstars breaking away from their pop group. On a more serious level, there are things which definitely need to be worried about for example losing your home, your partner, your job, an important business deal or other things. Some of these might be unavoidable, maybe you and your partner really cannot reconcile no matter how hard you try, maybe you will lose your job when there is a recession. However you have confidence in your ability to overcome that and realize that maybe it is even a hidden blessing and something better will emerge. Maybe you will meet someone better, or get another better job.

Anger, upset.

Having spoken of the healthy mental “foods” which you should be feeding your mind, I then went on to speaking about the unhealthy ones. There are many and we can simply call them “negative thoughts/feelings”. However as I said in a previous article two of the most common are stress and anger/upset.

Anger and upset are similar but not the same. Anger is more active and external, when you are angry you may take it out on someone or even be violent.  Upset can mean the same or it can mean an internal passive unhappiness whereby you confine negative feelings to yourself. This is in fact mental bacteria as all negative thoughts are. This is not to say that all negative thoughts are bad, in fact life is a lesson and we are not meant to live in constant happiness from birth to the grave, rather it is an adventure, a novel, or a film whereby we go through challenges and difficulties and learn from them. It is natural and in some ways healthy that at times we are upset, angry, disappointed and so on, but not if it destroys our ability to be financially and personally successful.

Upset, sadness.

Anger, regular anger is not the trait of a calm and successful person.

This is a huge topic and a book, in fact not a book, but a series of books with different volumes could be written on this. I will discuss this more in later articles.  However there are some things which you can do now to avoid becoming angry and I will share one of the most important today.

The power of “should”

“Should” is one of the most important words in the English language. In fact it is not just a word, but a concept. In fact it is not just a concept but can be a law, or laws, both moral and cultural as well as being legal and governmental which glue the society that we live in. From a young age we are taught “shoulds” and “should nots”, and so we should. However though “should” is a very useful word, “you should help others”, “you should be honest with your customers”, it is a double edged sword.

The misuse of should is what often leads to great anger. When we create “shoulds” for ourselves and these “shoulds” are not met then we become angry. My husband “should” compliment on my new dress, but he doesn’t. My wife “should” do this. That man “should” have said thank you for me opening the door for him, but he didn’t, what an idiot! My boss “should” have treated me like he treated the other employee. There are many shoulds that we make. Some of them are unnecessary. We create a “should” and when it is met, we become angry. We create an expectation, we then become disappointed when it is not met. We even think there is something wrong with us. “Why do people treat me like this? Why? Why me? Why not him or her?”.  In fact there is nothing wrong with you. Everyone should be happy for who and what they are. If your partner does not compliment you on your dress, that is his problem not yours. If someone doesn’t thank you for opening the door, there is nothing wrong with you but with him. Live life without lots of “shoulds”, be prepared to meet many idiots on the way and just smile and replace “should” with, “it would be nice”.

“He didn’t compliment me on my new dress, it would be nice, but he didn’t but hey I’m happy with who I am.”

“He didn’t say thank you when I opened the door for him, it would be nice, but he didn’t but I’m happy with who I am.”

“People aren’t grateful to me for the favours I do, it would be nice but they don’t but I’m happy with who I am.”

“It would be nice if everything would go my way, but it doesn’t but I’m happy with who I am and I will be a success.”

You will feel less anger because you have less expectations and lower standards. The decrease in anger will lead to an increase in the quality of your life. The increased calmness will lead to improved decision making. The internal happiness that is inside you will transmit itself to others and people will be drawn to you. In terms of business, each individual is a brand and the image and feel that you transmit contributes to the brand image people have of  you. Removing unnecessary “shoulds” is one key way of decreasing anger and upset. This does not mean being a passive doormat that accepts everything. Have self-respect and fight for your rights. Be prepared to write letters of complaint, but do it in a calm, dignified way, not a bitter “They should have done this and that…this is wrong, there should be…and it should be..”. No, the world is full of morons and unfairness, but be strong, and have an inner strength and stability and you will see greater success.

– Jahan Choudhry.

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