In my previous posts I have spoken of how:
– Change is possible, that you can start the business you wish, or expand the business you already have, or clear the huge debts that you have, or generally improve your situation.
– The power of the mind, which I will speak more about in the future, and how it is related to the body.
Now I am going to talk about the first specific thing which you need to do.
Every successful thing, be it a person, building or organization is based on a very solid foundation. In order for you to be successful, or more for successful, you need to lay that mental foundation. The first thing which you must do is what we call “Self-acceptance”.
One of the best writers on this topic is Andrew Matthews in his work “Follow your heart”, which I actively encourage everyone to get a copy of and read.
Self-acceptance means accepting yourself as you are. It means removing the idea from your mind that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, or your life. There isn’t.
It means that you can look at yourself and say “there’s nothing wrong with me”.
You can be overweight, there’s nothing wrong with you.
You can be in debt, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Have no formal education, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Be single, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Have experienced great pain, be it financial, emotional or even physical, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Look at yourself and accept who you are. It doesn’t matter what you look like, whether your short, “ugly” (no one is ugly and everyone’s tastes are different), aging with white hair, divorced, not popular as others or anything.
Everyone has an issue.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, every person on this planet has an issue, or a cause for complaint. This could be the Royal family who may feel they are missing out in not knowing how ordinary people live and relate to most people, or be percieved as out of touch. If you look at the biographies of most successful people (a quick browse through wikipedia can do that) you will see that everyone of them was afflicted with a problem in some way.
What self-acceptance means…
What self acceptance means is that you unconditionally love and accept yourself for what and who you are. This is in the same way you would love a member of your family regardless of how successful they are, regardless of what they look like, what they wear, what job they do, how much pain they’ve gone through and so on. For you, their external appearance would be immaterial. This is how you should accept yourself.
You are you.
There is only one you.
No one else will be special enough to be you and to have experienced the unique combination of feelings, events, people, places that make up your life.
What self-acceptance doesn’t mean…
It does not mean not wishing to make yourself better. It does not mean that if you are overweight you don’t try to lose weight, what it does mean is you don’t hate yourself for being a bit plump. It doesn’t mean being happy about any failures you’ve experienced, but merely means it happened as such things happen to everyone but you love yourself and accept yourself in the way you would love and accept your brother or sister if the same happened to them.
It does not mean not trying to improve yourself. Far from it, you must always seek to improve yourself.
Don’t beat yourself up…
When you don’t accept yourself and look at yourself and say “Look at me..I am this, I am that…I am ugly, I am in debt…I’m useless at this….so and so is more popular than me in the office, why does he always say thank you to her and not to me! etc, etc” you are actually beating yourself and in some ways quite literally.
The thoughts and feelings that we have make an impact on the body and leave an effect even on our cells, which is why happy people are healthy people and sad people have weaker immune systems. When you look at yourself and tell yourself, your life is horrible, you are no good, the world is unfair, you don’t get this and you don’t get that you are hitting yourself, you are punching yourself and damaging yourself.
The fundamental non-acceptance of yourself and unhappiness with yourself is like a hole in a boat. No matter how much you try to do with that boat there will always be a leak until the hole is patched. So no matter how you try and improve yourself or do things, or read different books, or attend different seminars, that hole will always be there and you may wonder why despite all your attempts to make yourself feel better there will be an unexplainable factor which still makes you feel miserable.
In coaching there is a technique called the “Emotional Freedom Technique” which is a method of touching parts of your body whilst repeating an affirmation that you completely accept yourself. I knew someone who used to do this and in fact actually used to teach it, however it was quite clear that it was not working for them as they themselves did not truly believe in it. This technique however if applied correctly does work, however there is an easier way to get the same result and that is merely to accept yourself for who you are. There is nothing wrong with you.
Self-acceptance and branding…
This blog in addition to being a free personal coaching blog, is also for business coaching. How does all this relate to the world of business?
Each person is a brand. Brands are not just multi-national companies or famous labels but also people. The ideas and image that people have of you is your brand image. In business in order to be successful you need to inspire people’s confidence. Companies such as Mercedes, Cartier, and others spend millions on marketing and sustaining their brand, fortunately for you, you do not have to spend anything more than you normally would.
The first step in creating your own personal brand is to accept yourself for who you are. If you are unhappy with yourself, who and what you are it will on a very cellular level (even at times subconsciously) project itself and be seen by others. I will speak more about personal branding in the future, but suffice to say it does not mean having to look ultra-glamourous. Bill Gates is not as good looking (to most, appearance is completely subjective) to most as Brad Pitt, but Bill Gates is far, far wealthier and a successful business person.
Bill Gates, one of – if not the – richest men in the world.
Brad Pitt, more glamourous than Bill Gates but with a far weaker personal branding in the business world than Gates.
Looks, sex, race or anything similar are not important in creating your own successful personal business brand. Nor necessarily do you have to be super-intelligent, though of course you must be willing to learn and willing to work very hard.
Successful British business woman, Debbie Reynolds, on the right, who started and now runs her own very set of successful sign language schools. Reynolds has hearing difficulties.
However the fundamental reason for self-acceptance is not merely being successful in business, but the benefits it has on your overall life including your health. Self-acceptance will stop you from beating yourself and thus damaging yourself, your body and quite literally its cells will be more relaxed, and you will be calmer, more positive and more productive.
Self-acceptance is the first step on your road to success.
– Jahan Choudhry.
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